Body Language by Hayden Allen
Let’s start with a basic top ten, and then dig a little deeper in the body language chapter
Men often make the common mistake of thinking that if you don’t have a washboard stomach, a great singing voice, a successful career, full head of hair, be dashingly handsome and rich, and have an amazing personality then you will never land the woman of your dreams. You have Hollywood to thank for that!
I have written 10 essential tips if you want to better yourself and become more desirable to women, follow them and you will change your entire outlook on dating and grow in confidence.
1 – Eye Contact. Crucial for building trust from a ladies perspective. Next time you are at a bar you will subconsciously undress a woman with your eyes… don’t go there, women hate it!
2 – Become a listener. Many ladies like to feel they are being heard and most blokes like to talk about themselves. Shut up and listen, also ask some searching questions which will allow them to open up a little. Share some opinions as long as they are not sexist! Don’t whatever you do lie…. Women are smart and trust me they will work you out immediately.
3 – “Can’t buy me love”. The Beatles got it right, most women don’t want to feel indebted to you immediately and rightly so. By all means buy them a drink, but don’t force it on them. With the shocking rise in date-rapes you will also have to ensure the lady feels like she is in complete control of the situation. After buying her a drink don’t feel like she now owes you something… she doesn’t. If she likes you she will talk to you.
4 – Talk her language. Find out her interests and what she gets up to. It’s a known fact that people love talking about themselves, especially the ladies! Show a genuine interest and she will show an interest in you. Ask her some opinions. It’s almost like a market research exercise, use open ended thought provoking questions rather than closed. It’s too easy for them to get bored!
5 – Positive mental attitude. Keep conversation light, she doesn’t want to know how you were dumped by your ex for not getting an erection! Always say to yourself that ‘you are desirable’ and that is what your aura will give off.
6 – Make them laugh. It doesn’t matter if you are not a stand up comedian. All you are out to do is create a smile. As soon as you do this you will notice a hige change in dialogue and interest. Be creative with your words.
7 – Be seen with another woman. Make the initial contact with the woman you like, then leave her to get back to her mates. Go chat to a female friend and don’t get sleazy here as you could blow it. A lady likes to catch her prey and she will come after you if she is interested.
8 – Patience is a virtue. Don’t go jumping on her straight away. Play the sexual side of the encounter down and she will respect you. If she does want to be with you on the first night then it is unlikely she will respect you in the morning. She’ll see you as a serial shagger.
9 – Be remembered. When you decide to leave the venue or just stop talking to her then ask for her number and mention that you have enjoyed talking to her. Ask her whether she would like to come for a coffee with you perhaps. Don’t try to kiss her, but keep your body language open. Walk away. The key here is to keep her wanting more.
10 – Call her. Don’t wait for her. If there was instant chemistry then she will be pleased to hear from you. Don’t chicken out and email her or text her. A phone call is bold and far more responsive. She will be impressed.
Remember, Body Language goes both ways, let’s begin!
Gaze, Don’t Stare!
One is inviting and the other is just weird! ...
Make sure you use the gaze and let your eyes do the talking. If you are a man and you can master the gaze, you will be in a minority and therefore a lot more attractive than the majority who stare!
You’ve just been flashed!
The eyebrow is a unique tool which we should use wisely to gauge interest from a potential partner.
If you have had all the eye signals you need to confirm a little interest, throw an eyebrow flash and see what it turns up. If you get one back this may well be a positive signal and be an invite to talk or flirt a little more.
Beware the wandering eye!
Men.... after you have gauged an interest through initial eye contact be careful not to blow your chances by scanning the rest of the body too hard.
An example being a man’s gaze going straight for the cleavage without holding back! – Women find this unattractive and offensive.
When you first catch a glance being beamed at you wherever you are, its a natural instinct to look away.
If you are interested you should initially look at the floor because if you look elsewhere it may be perceived that you are not interested. By not looking away at all you may be putting too much pressure on the other person. Then, go back for a second, third and fourth scan of the other person, but remember not to stare as this is a hostile move! Hold a gaze for around 4 seconds if possible as this intensifies the arousal. Throw a sincere smile at the person to gauge receptiveness and then think about making your move.
BEWARE – cultural differences may mean you read the situation entirely wrong.
Subconscious mouth touching
Without even knowing it when we become attracted to someone our lips and mouth become highly sensitive to touch.
We also take bigger mouthfuls and chew faster as we become aroused. We will also touch our mouths more indicating that we may wish to speak to them or even kiss them – believe it or not we are actually stimulating ourselves through touching these parts.
Take a leaf out of advertising
When we are attracted to someone our mouths and lips become more sensitive.
A lady making the most of her lips, this fallic action actually stirs sexual emotions within us men OR ladies if you are that way of course!
We even go as far as placing an item in our mouths to suggest a sexual action and arousal. Check out some of the ad boards around, you will see a similar provocative signal stance enticing you in. It is more attractive for women to show these signals than it is men!
It’s In your eyes!
According to popular science, the bigger our pupil size the more interested we are in what we are currently looking at ...
and this also rings true as an indicator of sexual arousal and interest.
IDEA – turn down the lights a little or light a candle so your pupils grow naturally with the lack of light, making you that little more irresistible.
Lips are one of the dominant forces in non-verbal sexual signalling, therefore most females look to enhance them to be even more appealing.
For over 5000 years we have used all kinds of things to enhance our lips.
Believe it or not our lips (male or female) swell and become darker when we are sexually aroused – this is down to blood flow to them. Women therefore wear lip colour to enhance the sexual arousal in potential partners. The reddening is similar to that which occurs in the labia just before a female orgasm.
Therefore ‘wet look’ lips lend themselves to the turned on and lubricated female genitals which occurs during sexual arousal. A clear signal that a female is attracted to you is when she licks her lips quite visibly whilst pointing a look at you.
Make-up, It’s all starting to make sense…
People use make up to exenterate their features, predominantly the eyes and lips.
This has been going on since the Egyptians started it (for attraction), and beyond. Large eyes show initial attraction between people. Make up can enhance eye size, depth and colour..
Kissing Do’s and Don’ts
Kissing is probably the most intimate and non-verbal sexual tools at our disposal. You can say 1000 words with a kiss and everyone has different styles of doing so. You can tell if a relationship has legs by a kiss. We’ve all had bad ones, but the good ones make up for them. A kiss is arguably the biggest turn on – especially the first one! The heart beats so fast that it feels like it will burst out of your chest.
A brief kiss on the cheek is a common way of saying hello in most cultures, however if you extend this kiss by just another ½ second you can give some very powerful signals off and indicate your liking to someone – even if it is just on the cheek.
Probably the most famous kiss ever!
You should never force a kiss on someone, you will be able to tell if they are ready to be kissed. If they pull away as you go in for it then they are not comfortable with you and you may invade their space just a little too early. Just relax and make the move at the right time, and if you are patient then it will come.
When you want to kiss your date for the first time, be very cautious and just go for a soft and gentle kiss on the lips. Pull away quickly and then digest the reaction. If it’s good then go back for a more intimate kiss but don’t go shoving your tongue down their throat as this is a huge turnoff for most. Cold lips and tongue are a sign that you should back off as your partner won’t be aroused.
Make sure your teeth are clean and your breath is fresh
Avoid smoking before a kiss – it’s like kissing an ashtray
Drink too much – your breath will probably smell and its also a bit of a turnoff
Try to re-enact a 1940’s film kiss!
The ‘Shoe Horn’
Shoes are a key element to getting the first dates right, especially to women.
Wear good quality, well made shoes are the biggest clue to status over most other fashion items. FACT – being perceived as high in status is a sexual attraction.
You can tell by the way that she wears that dress…
Clothes play an important role in the science of non verbal communication…
Fashions represent who we are, our beliefs, music tastes, they also represent how much we care about ourselves as well as how interested we are in presenting our sexuality.
Be aware of what you wear on a date, think about what colours to wear and how people react to them. Most importantly wear something that you feel comfortable in which will encourage you to be yourself and enjoy the experience.
Don’t judge a book by its cover
When your date arrives for the first time, although immediate impressions count for a lot…
don’t be too hasty in making your decision based on how they look. They may be unnecessarily trying to impress you by playing a different character to who they actually are. Give them the benefit of the doubt and get to know the real person!
The Date Shake
When you meet your date for the first time you will more than likely shake hands. There are a couple of things to remember in the hand shake to get off to the best start.
Years of ‘handshake’ research has uncovered the following which make up the most warming greeting.
• Should last no longer than 5 seconds
• Should be firm without being uncomfortable
• Dry palm as opposed to a wet one
• Assured eye contact supported by a slight smile towards the 2 second mark
• Close with a wider smile and tilt the head to one side
Is it all rubbish…. You decide!
The 50 second Rule
When you meet your date for the first time, try an unobvious stance, or consciously make a series of movements…
If your date copies your actions within 5 – 50 seconds then they more often than not they are clearly comfortable in your presence and possibly attracted to you. Try it.
So you think your James Dean do you…
Study your idol.
Watch your favourite movie star in action with the sound off.
What do you find most attractive about the person, look at their language. This will help you understand the true attractions you look for in a person.
Body Language – The Mirroring Effect
Who are you trying to be?
If your date is attracted to you, they will almost always copy your actions in their own way.
Once they are clearly mirroring you, try mirroring them as this is a compliment. Don’t go overboard though as too much mirroring is off-putting! When people ultimately fall in love, you will notice that they automatically mirror without even knowing it.
Where’s My Date Gone?
One minute your date is there, then they are back, then they have gone again… hang on!
Believe it or not, the classic hide and seek game works very well as a flirting game. We all remember it as probably the first game we ever played. Something quite unusual happens when we play this, we get a brief kick out of getting repeat looks from people even if we are not particularly attracted to them – this goes back to our baby days and memories of our first game.
Through practicing this with a newspaper, menu, coat etc, we can gauge and demonstrate innocence.