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Dating Safety

Dating Safety by Hayden Allen


Is your internet date a 900lb slob?

It happens more than you may care to imagine. Fat, sweaty and darn ugly guys and girls are hiding under a different guise hoping you are going to chat to them and make them feel special. When you see some of these fatties it is clear to see why they are pretending to be someone else, but it’s cheating and bang out of order! Go get some freaking exercise.

Could this be your so called gorgeous hunk of an online boyfriend?

There are a couple of cunning tricks you can try to ensure your online love isn’t in-fact Mr or Mrs Sweaty-Belly 2006!

1. Whilst you are chatting to them live ask them to send you a picture of themselves there and then on their mobile phone OR with the time and date imprinted on the photo. Put them under a bit of pressure to react and see what happens.
2. Ask them what sort of foods they like… if the answer is all about fatty produce… beware!


3. Ask them what sorts of exercise they like to do… and I’m not talking about knocking one out over a jazz mag!
4. Pretend you wanna meet up early on in the chat. If they make excuses…. Be aware they may have a date with a pork chop!
5. Be aware of stunningly good looking photos… they are either of someone else OR them when they were 20 years younger.
6. Try repeating the same question regarding what they look like on 2 different occasions and make notes. If there are inconsistencies you know their mind was on those pork ribs they were stuffing when they were chatting to you before.

Whoever you are chatting to online, be careful. There truly are some freaks out there living under different guises and getting cheap thrills from you thinking they are someone else.


How many people have they slept with, does it really matter?

Ask yourself how many people have you slept with, and then ask yourself if it would matter if your partner had slept with the same amount of people or more.  There is no right or wrong answer here but I wanted to write about it as someone recently told me their story and I didn’t really have an answer.

The person in question was a male who had met a female.  He had slept with 10 people over a period of 15 years and his new partner had told him she had slept with over 40. He wasn’t sure how it made him feel.  I suggested that it didn’t really matter if he liked her that much but he should have a concern that the risk of STDs was higher.  I actually don’t see it as a problem in our modern age where people tend to experience more partners than perhaps our parents did.  It’s also a sign of a good sex drive and the fact that they would have probably got it out of their system and were now prepared to settle down a little more.


You will know if your partner puts it about still, and therefore if that is the case I’d beware of them hanging around, but if the majority of partners were some years ago then you are probably in a relationship that will last (from experience). 

When you look at it the other way, if your partner had only a couple of sexual partners or were even a virgin then you should feel proud that they are open to a sexual relationship with you.  They will no doubt be loyal partners too.

You just can’t tell, and it’s actually quite a compliment to the relationship if they do confide in you about the amount of partners they have slept with.  However if it’s more of a boast to you early on in a relationship then beware. 


Online Dating Safety

Many online dating sites offer a fun and secure environment to meet your perfect match.  However all the different sites give inconsistent online dating advice when it comes to safety.  I have been through a selection of the leading brands and put the following detailed list together, picking out the need to know information and listed it below…


What I can’t teach you is common sense, just use your gut feeling and if anything seems suspicious or too good to be true – then unfortunately it normally is.

Start slow
Control those emotions!  It’s too easy to jump the gun sometimes and get carried away with dreams of desert islands etc.  Get to know them initially through email (using your member name only to start with) or a ‘messenger’ service if the site has one.  Test them out on some personality led questions, acquired tastes and scenarios and if you think there is a match, great…. But if any alarm bells ring – move on!

Protect your identity
During the initial stages of the dating game you MUST keep your identity hidden.  Look for a dating site that offers an ‘anonymous platform’ – most of them do these days.  Only when you are comfortable with the person you are speaking to can you divulge your true identity.  Whatever you do, if you are asked for your telephone number of address details for work or home, just refuse and be suspicious.  If they are freaking you out, report them to the website who will take action.

Ask for a photo
There are often good reasons why people haven’t posted a photo, however always be aware that they may not choose to put one up because they have something to hide.  You will no doubt want to see what they look like before you date them anyway!  There really are not any excuses for not posting a photo so beware of anyone who keeps making excuses.

Use the phone test
If you get to the stage when you have clearly got something in common and from photos you have a clear attraction between you, ask to get their number and make a call to them.  You will be able to judge loads about them from their tone of voice on specific subjects, their humour, and how interesting they are.  If they don’t offer up their number, maybe it’s too soon for them, but maybe they are trying to hide something.  Don’t give out your number unless you are entirely conmfortable with the situation.

The date!
Once you have collected all the information and there are clearly some sparks present, now it’s time for your first date.  Read the tips for the first date chapter for some pointers.  Always remember to meet in a public place where there are loads of people around, and ladies – watch that your drink doesn’t get tampered with.  At any time if you are feeling uncomfortable you are entirely within your rights to get up and leave.  You answer to no-one apart from yourself.

Alarm bells
Watch for signs that your date doesn’t display anger, frustration or attempts to pressure you into decisions you really don’t want to make.  If they do then now is your chance to get out and fast.  You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following behavior without providing an acceptable explanation:

- Lies about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
- Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
- Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
- Appears significantly different in person from his or her online persona.
- Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.

Have a back up plan
Whenever you go on a date ensure you always have a plan to escape if it doesn’t work out.  There are loads of ways to get out of it, but personally you can’t beat being honest and owning up to the fact you don’t see any duration in the relationship.





The Stalker


We’ve all met one, in-fact you may have one looking through binoculars at us right now!  I’ve certainly met my share of them, from appearing in my bedroom at 1am to leaving strange notes on my car.


Mrs Zita-Jones had a stalker for 3 years… he went to prison!

I wrote this article so as you can relate to things a possible stalker may do… or even you may do if you are the stalker!

Stalking behaviours are in fact quite common in our day and age, especially with the world embracing digital communication and ‘The Big Brother’ syndrome!

Let’s start with a definition of a stalker:
“A stalker is someone who is overly concerned with someone else’s behavior. This ‘concern’ leads them to play an intrusive role (seen or unseen) in that person’s life”.

Here are some common traits:

- The stalker seems to appear wherever you go
- You get regular phone calls with ‘number withheld’
- Your friends are approached by someone who always asks after you
- You get emails / calls at work from this person regularly and there is no reason
- You get anonymous letters delivered

Playing Safe on Holiday


When I talk about safe sex on holiday I’m not talking about a shag behind the closed doors of your chalet rather than the public beach! 

It is possibly one of the most important decisions you will make in your life (although it won’t of course feel like this)...


...In fact its one of the last things on your mind after a few drinks, a dance, and lots of raging hormones.

Don’t believe all the rubbish people tell you that its harder for men to catch STIs than women.  Unfortunately it’s a sexual lottery out there with a range of nasty infections that could literally leave you scratching, peeling and worse.

The last thing you are protecting yourself from on holiday is getting pregnant!  Its all the nasties that some people carry around them.  Ask yourself, ‘if they were an easy pull and very forthcoming sexually then how many other people have they been with in a similar situation?’

The most effective way of securing yourself from harm is insist on a condom.  Take a load with you (if you’re confident) and make sure they are always with you.

Other forms of contraceptive just aren’t worth bothering with because all they do is reduce the risk of pregnancy rather than the spread of STDs.

Holiday Romance, What’s It all about


Picture this, you are off on holiday and have left work behind.  You don’t have a care in the world for the next 2 weeks.  You are excited by the prospect that anything could happen…


... including the chance of meeting someone probably in exactly the same situation looking for exactly the same ‘happy go lucky time’.

You turn into a sex god(dess) once the sun tans you and all of a sudden you feel hyper confident about yourself. You are no longer in the same old routine going to the same old bars – a naturally happy version of you is strutting their stuff on the floors of the local discos, and this is what makes you more attractive.

A natural confidence and happiness is read a mile off, normally caused by the sun, sand and sangria!

The above is obviously a fun side, but a holiday romance almost always just turns out to be ‘a holiday romance’.  Carrying on a relationship when you get back can often be difficult based on distance problems, they may have another partner back at home etc.

SO, my advice to all you fun loving holiday makers out there is – make the most of the break but always bear in mind that it’s a relationship probably for the short term. 

Also, always indulge in safe sex if you get that far!  How could you possibly know the other person’s history, risks just are not worth taking.


Dating Safety Tips


Online dating can provide you with ‘options’!  There are hundreds of thousands of singles out there, and the internet is bringing them ever closer.

With this ongoing increase in online dating, safety has become a major factor.  There are some real clowns out there, trust me I have probably spoken to most of them!!!

The good thing about online dating is the anonymity until you disclose when you are ready to. You are also provided the means to report the ‘fakes’.  Where you may fall down is in getting too excited too quickly and losing your anonymity. 

Here are some very straight forward tips to adhere to:

1. If someone pushes for your personal information, beware and think about what level of relationship you have reached.

2. Give information that will tease – this makes you more attractive as people form fantasies about you….. don’t blow your load all at once!

3. Keep yourself anonymous – you will no doubt have a ‘dating name’, stick to this, again it adds to your attraction if you remain mysterious.

4. Take your time – what’s the rush?  If you are serious about meeting someone and having a relationship, by moving too fast you are already scaring that person off by being too full on!  Chill baby.

5. Report the idiots – There are plenty out there, and most sites make it easy enough for you to report threatening and uncomfortable behaviour.

6. Choose a quality site – There are hundreds out there, which one suits your needs and wants the most.  Go with a recommendation from a friend if need be. 

Final word – don’t get taken for a ride.  If you want a date and don’t want to move too fast, make it clear and if the person you are taking with is bothered by this they will normally disappear after a while.



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